I'd wear matching sweaters with you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize