I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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