Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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