you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
