oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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