no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize