'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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