i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
