Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
