Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
