she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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