Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
