How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
