You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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