nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
