what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
