We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
