: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
