I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
