i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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