Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
