Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
