We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
