Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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