The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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