I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
