I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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