Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
