Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
