my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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