I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
