I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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