the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
