And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
