when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
