just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
