I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
