My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
