I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize