dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
