There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize