put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
