Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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