What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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