textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have already put on my inside pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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