I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
