i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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