remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
