So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
