The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
