Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
