Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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