lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
