Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
