i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
