I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
