Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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