It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
