this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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