okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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