so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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