If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
