This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
