You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
