I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize