a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
