if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
