well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
