I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
