bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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