i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
