So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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