I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
