I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
