cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
