i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
