No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
