You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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