I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
