Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
