This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize