I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
