I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I need to stop coming to work sober
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
